Time really does march forward implacably. But our own perception of time and our own memories of past events are not so immutable. My kids are adults now, yet it seems like only yesterday they were toddlers. My motherly perception of time during their childhood and beyond is twisted up in my emotions.
Our time perception plays tricks on us. In some moments, time stretches into insane dilation loops. Some memories are compressed from daily repetition of the same events happening over and over again — making dinner or getting the kids to school day after day after day. Some are exaggerated by fear or extreme happiness. Some memories disappear due to exhaustion, but the time seems almost seems almost endless while experiencing it. Parents who’ve sat up all night with a sick kid who just won’t sleep will know just what I mean. In those dark hours, minutes can take on the duration of epochs. In-the-moment experience its memory are very different. Compared to actual reality, our memories are at best problematic, and completely fictional at worst.
Our experience of time is not the only flexible thing about our memories of time past. Physiologically, the more we play and replay our memories of an event, the more we alter it through the prisms of our lived experiences. No remembered memory remains pristine — we change them by the very act of remembrance. Thoughts have power to alter our perception of the past. The act of examining a memory changes it. So the more we ruminate on the event, the more we twist what truly happened.
Yet our thoughts, to some extent, are under our control. And that means we can choose how we remember the past. We can shape our own history! Perhaps psychotherapy is all about learning to remember events differently, putting the hurt into another perspective, adding life wisdom to how we view life we’ve lived. We can choose to let go. We can choose to move on. We can allow ourselves to forget some things from our past that stop us from enjoying the now. Many novels tell of taking heroic efforts to overcome how we perceive ourselves.
June is a Pride Month. Setting aside collective times to reconsider our lives from a pride perspective helps us heal old wounds. The old hurts can shrink the space and time they occupy in our memory. Reading stories of how others managed to survive helps, too. Reading is a great way of changing our minds and gaining new perspectives on our own lives. This month, I’ve included two of my books in the Pride Month Giveaway: “Suddenly, Paris” and “Mirror Shards.” Both deal with ambiguity of gender and love. “Suddenly, Paris” was placed on the long list for The James Tiptree Jr. Award in 2016 for its take of these topics. I’m particularly proud of that novel. I hope you’ll check my stories out; they do stretch all kinds of boundaries and perspectives. And please take a look at other ebooks in this collection as well.
Happy reading! And happy Pride Month!